December 2010
6 Things I Wish I'd Never Done
1.Go out last night
2.Destroy Andy’s life
3.Move in with these roommates
4.Fuck up Tana’s life
5.Skip so much improv and dancing
6.Stayed alive this long
7 Things That Cross My Mind a lot...
1.I want my boyfriend.
2.I hate food
3.Why am I so addicted to chocolate?
4.I should probably work out, shouldn’t I?
5.I hate my roommates
6.Did my phone just ring?
7.I want to go climbing!
8 ways to my heart...
1.Patience.
2.CHOCOLATE
3.coffee
4.cats
5.persistence
6.acceptance
7.Be laid back…I’m too insane and perfectionist for my own good
8.Dancing :) :) Swing in particular.
Day 9
9 things about yourself:
1.My biggest wish in the world is that I were adequate…skinny enough, pretty enough, intelligent enough, kind enough, loving enough, talented enough…
2.I really dislike dogs. Especially puppies. I wish ours would go away.
3.I have a birth defect in my right eye called a morning glory anomaly. Approximately 1 in 2 million people have it.
4.I am dating the...
Merry...Christmas?
I’m a bit disappointed this Christmas…I got nothing that I put on my Christmas list and I got a bunch of stuff I’m never going to use that will just take up space, and that I’ll likely end up giving away. The thing I’m most unhappy about is that I asked for donations to two charities and got nothing to either one. I don’t want a makeup kit I’m never going...
Language and Race and that word I'm not allowed to...
So last night at a Christmas party with my parents and a bunch of their friends we got into an absolutely fascinating discussion spurred by George Carlin and dirty words. My father asserted that (as per one of Carlin’s routines) there are no dirty words, just dirty thoughts or dirty intentions. And while in general I agree with this (I’m overall pretty Wittgensteinein in my thoughts on...
I am in no condition...
to take finals of any kind, much less my dear Great Conversation final which requires enough focus to churn out definitions (with small essays attached) passage identifications (with multiple short answer to each attached) and a long essay in 2 hours. It’s not that I don’t know the information. If it were a verbal final, I would kick some ass. But due to crying too much my brain has...
SO. MUCH. ANGER.
http://feministing.com/2010/12/15/girls-shouldnt-have-ideas/#more-28081
WHAT THE HELL?!?!?! WHAT IS WRONG WITH PEOPLE??!?!
I took a look at their website, and some of the sample videos posted included “real life teens explain the negative emotional impact of pre-marital sex” and “an eye opening visit to the AIDS clinic”. Let’s just rule people’s lives by fear...
I'm always scared
rainbowkandy:
Scared that one day you’ll wake up and think “why am I with her?”
Paranoia consumes me every single day.
But then I see you and talk to you and know that you know the answer to that question. Even if I don’t.
The Problem With College Pt II
Majors. I’m really sick of people making fun of my major. Of having that moment when people ask me what I’m majoring in where I hesitate and come up with some caveat or precursor to explain that yes, I know philosophy is pointless, but I like it anyway. My first problem with majors is the rivalry and snobbery between them. How all the sciences think they’re better than the...
I'm Tired...
It is past the end of the semester.
Ok, so technically I still have a day and a half of class and finals. But realistically, the end of the semester happened when I stopped learning or accomplishing anything. And that was about two weeks ago. After that point all of this has been an exercise in pointlessness.
Yet another flaw in our educational system is the fact that either semesters are too...
I am sitting and staring at my razor
and thinking Bad Thoughts. What most people don’t seem to understand about Bad Thoughts is that they are not bad. They are different. But sometimes they are freeing and perfect and wonderful.
I get the joy of going to my therapist tomorrow.
Studying for finals.
Going to the nurse. So I can tell them my body’s stopped working because I starved it for too long. I love conversations...
Musings on Depression
When I get very horrendously unhappy, my boyfriend generally tells me that I should stop being sad and be awesome instead. And while I love any Barney quote (from How I Met Your Mother…not the purple dinosaur), I find this horrendously unhelpful. As I do the suggestions from my mother to realize when my emotions start to go out of control and do something happy to make them better. Or the...
Way too good not to post... →
My thoughts on the Voyage of the Dawn Treader
I prefer God when he’s an anthropomorphized lion. At least no one takes him seriously that way.
To Be
I am a verb.
Definition is not a matter of inherent properties.
I am not I or me or myself
I am
Can I exist without movement, without action?
Can I think beyond “what’s next?”
I require a direct object yet, perhaps a participle
To complement my modal
To complete the series that is me
A muscle pulling a bone lifting an arm
to create
The pattern of my existence
I cannot be without being
...
Emily Dickinson's To Do List
by Andrea Carlisle
Monday Figure out what to wear—white dress? Put hair in bun Bake gingerbread for Sue Peer out window at passersby Write poem Hide poem Tuesday White dress? Off-white dress? Feed cats Chat with Lavinia Work in garden Letter to T.W.H. Wednesday White dress or what? Eavesdrop on visitors from behind door Write poem Hide poem Thursday Try on new white dress Gardening—watch out for...
This just makes me cringe... →
...
I am becoming quite sick of failure. I wish I would stop trying to create things that are interesting, engaging or honestly intelligent. Because the world would prefer that I say things in the agreed upon, expected way. It doesn’t matter what I say most of the time. It matters how I say it.
I am becoming quite sick of how self-centered I am. Even my boyfriend points it out. I think...
This is fictional...
So don’t get worried :P
Shadow Mistakes
The scarred day after leaves a lingering hangover
The drugs of a custom needle in my neck faded away
Mistakes are tricky creatures
If I can have a mulligan once, who’s to say I can’t decide twice?
But I’m looking for a different kind of do-over tonight
The kind that leaves regrets and consequences
But no way to go back
The mistakes that...
Photography
I have decided that I really enjoy photography because you can’t rush it. I am not particularly artistically talented. This is probably evidenced by the pictures I have taken this semester, which are…somewhat lacking I must say. However I am really enjoying the class, not for the final products but for the process itself. With every other subject I take, I can rush. I can skim through...
is it overreacting...
To be really miffed in a potential situation
in which the previous night one was honestly contemplating suicide
and informed one’s significant other of this…
and the next morning one’s significant other doesn’t so much as text
to see how one is doing?
I feel like a horrible girlfriend.
To be perfectly honest...
Sometimes I think I wouldn’t exist if I didn’t have an eating disorder.
Nonentities are everywhere, and there has to be a subject for it to have a disease.
I like the attention I get.
I enjoy feeling alone because it means I am entirely unique.
Sometimes I wonder whether anyone would ever say things honest, caring or open to me if I hadn’t told them I try to starve...
Wittgenstein and them Skeptics
So in philosophy today we were discussing the Greek skeptics. I’m a huge fan of skepticism, a lot of my favorite blogs (Pharyngula, skepchick and blag hag for example) are written by people with strong skeptic commitments. The agnostic in me particularly likes the ancient brand of skepticism that says we simply have to suspend judgment and live based upon appearances. While I do have some...
Relationships are weird...
The idea of relationships confuses me. I hate the idea that so many people have that being in a relationship is inherently better than being single. Automatically, any relationship will make you happier than being single, or being single has something wrong with it and you can’t be happy while you’re single.
This feels like a great deal of idiocy propagated by some people with huge...
Well hai thur
Hi. I feel like I have too many thoughts. And thus I have a blog now. For the writing of said thoughts. Right now I am thinking about expectations and friendship and happiness and morality. And it is an odd combination of thoughts. Sometimes old friends surprise you and sometimes you surprise yourself with your reactions to them. And sometimes I wonder why there is no one at my school I can...